Michael Sikkema
Skull Brothers VS the Fog Monster
Why stay though?
Because mom’s here
She’s not though. That thing ate her
So mom became that thing, like grass
Like grass?
Like grass
Like grass becomes a lion
You lost me
Zebras eat grass and get eaten by lions
So grass becomes the lion?
Right, and lions die and rot into grass
Fuck that
Fuck you
Fuck this shared cloud around us
Fuck me running with a detachable skull
Well, whatever, let’s go respect the locals
What locals? What flavor of respect?
Let’s go to the Horseshoe, it’s pool night
******
OK! Locals respected, let’s eat
Best ice those knuckles, Captain Overkill
Ice is for whiskey, everyone knows this
Fine, where’s the whiskey
Old man Everest died
No shit?
Don’t think the house has been picked through yet
Let’s fucking go
******
Dude, death stinks
Free whiskey though
Respect the locals
This is a two man saw and a hundred person tree kinda sitch
The thing’s really chatty tonight
Listen to it preach
What about eating?
Free! Local! Whiskey!
You think the thing ate old man Everest?
I think Free! Local! Whiskey!
******
There’s a reason everyone’s avoiding this whole block
OK. There’s mail waiting for you at the grocery store
There’s a reason there’s a skull in the baby stroller out front
OK but that motherfucker ain’t no harbinger
There’s a reason
There’s a reason?
There’s a reason that thing ate mom
What could that possibly be?
You been having the dreams?
Who do you work for?
Is that blood?
It’s cool. It’s not mine
******
What was the mail?
Just an envelope of frog bones
Let’s respect the locals with a big happy funeral
You ain’t right
That ain’t news
I’ll be you or I’ll kill you
Wait, what?
Let’s go respect the locals at the pinball laundromat
Oh, you wanna beat up pathetic 40 year olds
I call the Elvira
******
That’s mom’s voice
It’s the thing
But it’s mom’s voice
It is
She’s back
It’s back, or . . . still here
I think it just ate her voice and it is her voice now
But it did your voice when it tried to eat me
What did it look like again?
Fuck. Fog, smoke, a black cloud with almost legs
Where did it come from?
We’ve talked about this a fuckjillion times
I need it to make sense
It doesn’t make sense
Tell me again
The basement
When we were moving in . . .
When we started bringing stuff down there, yeah
Ok, from where in the basement?
You already know
Tell me again
The sometimes room
The sometimes room?
Sometimes it’s there, sometimes not
Right. The fucking sometimes room. is it there today?
It was last I checked
******
How long has it been?
3 weeks
Sure we shouldn’t tell the sheriff?
Tell her what?
Right
We’d end up in a F A C I L I T Y
Is that . . . Is that old man Everest’s voice?
Yeah, but it’s the thing
How could . . . If it’s in our basement?
Probably the well
Like, a water thing
If the thing can travel in water, yeah
So, in the pipes, and oh, the toilet
Why hasn’t it eaten us?
I don’t know
Might be more sometimes rooms in other houses
Might be
Let’s not be here for a while
Wanna go respect the locals?
Let’s respect the fuck out of them
******
What would mom do?
Like?
If she were really here, and not in the thing
Kick our asses for respecting the locals, for starters
And for drinking, and for the B and E’s
Right
But what would she do about the thing?
The fucking . . . talking death cloud . . .
She’d prob vacuum that fucker up
Kill it with vinegar or some shit
Have you seen it again?
Nope, just hear it everyday
Everyday
Everyday
******
We can’t keep doing this, man. I wanna go
I wanna go to the Sometimes Room
So you keep saying
So, let’s do it
No chance, nope, also no
I’ll go alone
Do it then
Maybe I will
******
Dude, why’d you trash my room?
The thing pissed me off
So you trashed MY room?
It was using your voice
Right . . .
It said some nasty shit
But you knew . . .
It kind of . . . set me off
******
Is that . . . our voices?
It’s obviously the thing
Neighbors are going to think it’s us
Do you hear what it’s saying?
This is not going to end well
Sheriff’s car’s still at the O’Rourke’s
Yup. It’s been 3 days
You wanna leave?
I’ve been wanting to leave
You’ve been an anchor
You see they gave a mushroom a robot body?
Typical anchor behavior
******
Did it undulate?
Nope
Not a sky serpent
Nope. No sky. No serpent
Look like a jellyfish?
Fog, dude, smoke, a cloud
Lots of cryptids walk around in fog
Right, but aren’t made of it
All these Youtube videos, podcasts, books, fuck
Yeah, we got nothing
Maybe we need an exorcist
Truly overrated film
******
Was the thing banging on the door?
Nope. Just some truly local neighbors feeling disrespected
How many is some?
Too many to open the door and pay respects
Time to take the money and get out
Yup, let’s get mom and go
Mom is gone
I hear our voice everyday
Everyday
Everyday
******
That’s not the thing. What is . . .
It’s those locals
They seem to have some guns
Yeah, and machetes, knives
Did dude truly make a torch?
He did
This is too many locals
Too many to respect, yeah
Think they’re coming in?
I think you should check the backdoor
******
They’re back there too
I’ve gathered some party favors
Mag lights, knives, hair spray, blow torch. Nice
Not enough, is it?
Nope. Should we call the cops again?
We could go try to steal the sheriff’s car . . .
That’s the glass in the front door
Basement door’s the only other way out
Fucking basement
It’s the only way
And the thing?
It’s the only way
You’re sure?
It’s the only way
Let’s fucking go
Michael Sikkema is the author of watch for deer, published by CDSOB. His chapbook Scarecrow I’m a Story and Three Fish is out now from Sigilist Press. He enjoys Roger Corman films (RIP), Troma Films (WTF), and various Sword and Sworcery Films (LOL). He listens to horror scores to relax, just like you.