Michael Sikkema

Skull Brothers VS the Fog Monster 


Why stay though?
Because mom’s here

She’s not though. That thing ate her
So mom became that thing, like grass

Like grass? 
Like grass

Like grass becomes a lion
You lost me

Zebras eat grass and get eaten by lions
So grass becomes the lion?

Right, and lions die and rot into grass 
Fuck that

Fuck you
Fuck this shared cloud around us

Fuck me running with a detachable skull
Well, whatever, let’s go respect the locals 

What locals? What flavor of respect? 
Let’s go to the Horseshoe, it’s pool night 

******

OK! Locals respected, let’s eat
Best ice those knuckles, Captain Overkill 

Ice is for whiskey, everyone knows this 
Fine, where’s the whiskey 

Old man Everest died
No shit? 

Don’t think the house has been picked through yet
Let’s fucking go 

******

Dude, death stinks
Free whiskey though

Respect the locals
This is a two man saw and a hundred person tree kinda sitch 

The thing’s really chatty tonight
Listen to it preach

What about eating? 
Free! Local! Whiskey! 

You think the thing ate old man Everest?
I think Free! Local! Whiskey! 

******

There’s a reason everyone’s avoiding this whole block 
OK. There’s mail waiting for you at the grocery store 

There’s a reason there’s a skull in the baby stroller out front
OK but that motherfucker ain’t no harbinger 

There’s a reason
There’s a reason? 

There’s a reason that thing ate mom
What could that possibly be? 

You been having the dreams? 
Who do you work for? 

Is that blood? 
It’s cool. It’s not mine 

******

What was the mail?
Just an envelope of frog bones

Let’s respect the locals with a big happy funeral
You ain’t right

That ain’t news
I’ll be you or I’ll kill you

Wait, what?
Let’s go respect the locals at the pinball laundromat

Oh, you wanna beat up pathetic 40 year olds
I call the Elvira

******

That’s mom’s voice
It’s the thing 

But it’s mom’s voice
It is 

She’s back 
It’s back, or . . . still here 

I think it just ate her voice and it is her voice now
But it did your voice when it tried to eat me

What did it look like again? 
Fuck. Fog, smoke, a black cloud with almost legs

Where did it come from?
We’ve talked about this a fuckjillion times

I need it to make sense
It doesn’t make sense

Tell me again
The basement

When we were moving in . . . 
When we started bringing stuff down there, yeah 

Ok, from where in the basement? 
You already know 

Tell me again 
The sometimes room 

The sometimes room?
Sometimes it’s there, sometimes not 

Right. The fucking sometimes room. is it there today? 
It was last I checked 

******

How long has it been?
3 weeks

Sure we shouldn’t tell the sheriff?
Tell her what?

Right
We’d end up in a F A C I L I T Y 

Is that . . . Is that old man Everest’s voice?
Yeah, but it’s the thing

How could . . . If it’s in our basement?
Probably the well

Like, a water thing
If the thing can travel in water, yeah

So, in the pipes, and oh, the toilet
Why hasn’t it eaten us? 

I don’t know
Might be more sometimes rooms in other houses 

Might be
Let’s not be here for a while

Wanna go respect the locals?
Let’s respect the fuck out of them

******

What would mom do?
Like?

If she were really here, and not in the thing
Kick our asses for respecting the locals, for starters 

And for drinking, and for the B and E’s
Right

But what would she do about the thing? 
The fucking . . . talking death cloud . . . 

She’d prob vacuum that fucker up 
Kill it with vinegar or some shit

Have you seen it again?
Nope, just hear it everyday 

Everyday
Everyday 

******

We can’t keep doing this, man. I wanna go 
I wanna go to the Sometimes Room 

So you keep saying
So, let’s do it

No chance, nope, also no 
I’ll go alone 

Do it then 
Maybe I will 

******

Dude, why’d you trash my room?
The thing pissed me off

So you trashed MY room?
It was using your voice

Right . . .
It said some nasty shit 

But you knew . . . 
It kind of . . . set me off 

******

Is that . . . our voices? 
It’s obviously the thing

Neighbors are going to think it’s us 
Do you hear what it’s saying?

This is not going to end well
Sheriff’s car’s still at the O’Rourke’s

Yup. It’s been 3 days
You wanna leave?

I’ve been wanting to leave
You’ve been an anchor

You see they gave a mushroom a robot body?
Typical anchor behavior

****** 

Did it undulate?
Nope

Not a sky serpent 
Nope. No sky. No serpent

Look like a jellyfish?
Fog, dude, smoke, a cloud

Lots of cryptids walk around in fog
Right, but aren’t made of it 

All these Youtube videos, podcasts, books, fuck
Yeah, we got nothing 

Maybe we need an exorcist
Truly overrated film 

******

Was the thing banging on the door?
Nope. Just some truly local neighbors feeling disrespected

How many is some?
Too many to open the door and pay respects 

Time to take the money and get out
Yup, let’s get mom and go

Mom is gone
I hear our voice everyday 

Everyday 
Everyday 

******

That’s not the thing. What is . . . 
It’s those locals

They seem to have some guns
Yeah, and machetes, knives

Did dude truly make a torch?
He did

This is too many locals
Too many to respect, yeah

Think they’re coming in?
I think you should check the backdoor 

******

They’re back there too
I’ve gathered some party favors

Mag lights, knives, hair spray, blow torch. Nice
Not enough, is it? 

Nope. Should we call the cops again? 
We could go try to steal the sheriff’s car . . . 

That’s the glass in the front door
Basement door’s the only other way out

Fucking basement
It’s the only way 

And the thing? 
It’s the only way 

You’re sure? 
It’s the only way

Let’s fucking go 

Learn more about this poem.


Michael Sikkema is the author of watch for deer, published by CDSOB. His chapbook Scarecrow I’m a Story and Three Fish is out now from Sigilist Press. He enjoys Roger Corman films (RIP), Troma Films (WTF), and various Sword and Sworcery Films (LOL). He listens to horror scores to relax, just like you.