The Wickedest Witch (1989)

Only broadcast once, on Oct. 30, 1989, and never officially released since, this NBC Halloween special has it all. Rue McClanahan brilliantly vamping it up as the titular evil enchantress Avarissa, ALF-voiced mini-dragons playing bingo, a top hat-clad child attempting to do magic tricks alone in his bedroom. Oh, and let’s not forget the tone, which veers from the dark-but-thrilling fantasy of Labyrinth to just flat-out depressing. While Avarissa’s banishment to an underground cavern “somewhere under Ohio” populated only by reptilian Greevils is played for laughs, there’s something so eerie and hopeless about her captivity that I kind of hate it. (For someone like me who always thought the Fraggles and their subterranean world were creepy, the idea of being trapped forever with thousands of unblinking puppets is horrifying.) So forgive me if I’m not rooting for our kindly child magician Louis and his pure heart to succeed in thwarting her escape. Get us all the fuck out of here, I say. 2.5 out of 5 sacs of blood.

—Jonathan Riggs