Stepfather 2 (1989)

Gauzy filters (or VHS transfer), sappy music, corny dialog, all with a sinister edge that gets edgier (but still somehow soft-edged) as the film floats along. Stretch from Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 is in it! So’s the rich lady from They Live! And of course Locke from Lost is back, pretending to have a job and looking for love. In his new family trap, he’s disappointed there’s no basement to brood in, but he does have at least one meltdown in the garage. He’s on the lam and has a minimal disguise (toupee and contacts) so people can’t recognize him from his picture in the paper. His speech to the neighbors at the backyard party is underwhelming this go around, but we see it coming, and he wastes no time gathering the neighbors around when he has the opportunity, so the thrill is still there, for sure. There’s a skate ramp assembly scene where he says “hit it like you mean it,” and he calls his potential stepson slugger more than once. Stretch is a mail carrier who has no qualms about going through people’s junk, and has a thoughtful beer† at the party when she’s figuring things out. An orderly calls Locke “bad daddy” real quick early in the film. Carol, the bride to be, goes through the film in a haze hazier than the cinematography, missing clues left and right, but when she finally gets wise and has enough, she snaps out of it in a spectacular, foul-mouthed way. Trenchant suburban critique in a Movie of the Week package. Totally depressing. 4 out of 5 sacs of blood.

† A word on the Thoughtful Beverage: Any horror film with a party scene might feature one character with a clue who drinks a unique beverage, thoughtfully. In this case Stretch is the only one drinking a beer, and she’s doing a very butch job of it, thanks.

—J †Johnson