Blood Diner (1987)

Topless cheerleading. A killer targeting vegetarians. Unwitting cannibalism. Multiple doo wop numbers. A wrestling obsessed chef who isn’t above attacking his customers. Hypnotism. Ventriloquism. Buddy cop picture gone wrong. Amateur wrestler Jimmy Hitler.* Zombifying drug use. Projectile vomiting. Naked martial arts. Two men just trying to please their reanimated brain-in-a-jar of an uncle. Vagina dentata. And all praise for the Lumerian goddess Sheetar (Sheetar, Sheetar). Blood Diner follows the Tutman Brothers, owners of a successful vegetarian restaurant, on their quest to complete their late Uncle Anwar’s work by killing women to use their body parts to create a Frankenstein-like vessel and hosting a blood feast and virgin sacrifice to summon the Lumerian goddess Sheetar (Sheetar, Sheetar). The plot contains echoes of 1963’s Blood Feast, but Blood Diner goes its own way, taking numerous wacky detours through the seedy underbelly of the Los Angeles health food scene. This outrageous film is funny, absurd, offensive, violent, fucked up, and over the top. Characters say Sheetar (Sheetar, Sheetar) a lot, and so will you. The review board said the film offers no socially redeeming value whatsoever (but what do they know about art?), and it was critically panned upon its release. However, both the movie and its director Jackie Kong have since found a cult following. In interviews Kong has noted that people assumed she was a man because women couldn’t direct horror—and certainly not horror like this. This movie is one-of-a-kind, totally bonkers. Watch it and then recommend it to all your friends. 3.5 out of 5 sacs of blood.

* Nazi punks fuck off!

—Gina Myers