Beauty Is Pain

by A.D. Bell

Malcolm is the most scarred man Kelly has ever seen. There is hardly any hair on his head. Only a few patches behind his ears and at the base of his skull, though for the most part flames have burnt it all away and melted the first few layers of his flesh. The skin around his skull gathered up and healed in lumps. Kelly was not there to witness this incident but she heard reports later of his pleased expression as the flames rained down and licked across his head. Sherry from Dover says he looked like a lit candlestick. That’s only Malcolm's latest injury. 

Of his two ears, one has its lobe split up the middle to the opening of the canal and the other is missing the bottom half entirely. Each injury from different knife fights, Malcolm’s favorite activity. In one of these instances, Malcolm’s opponent not only slashed through his ear but also down his left eye. It remains half blind, a scar running across the brow above and eye lid. If Kelly could get close enough, she would see the pink scratch along the white of Malcolm’s eyeball and across the pupil. Apparently, this only affects his ability to see far away, but he appreciates the additional element of surprise to his life. One sense he has almost lost entirely is smell. While in a brawl with a rabid dog, the beast bit Malcolm’s nose clean off. In this same battle, the beast tore Malcolm’s lips and tongue to shreds. As a result his lips appear as a pair of worms, cracked and shriveled from the harsh sunlight. Malcolm’s tongue remains loosely in one piece but often hangs limply against his permanently scabbed chin. This greatly affected his speech at first but eventually he learned to work around it. Now his words come out only a little garbled. 

The rest of his body, nearly every inch of his skin, is riddled with puncture wounds. It was Malcolm’s idea one night to distribute an abundance of long darts to his friends and then strip naked so they could practice their aim. His chest and back bore the brunt of the attack, the skin there covered with more pebbled scars than smooth flesh. Though neither his arms or legs were excluded from the violence. Kelly was not there for Malcolm’s special dart game but as others tell it, three of his fingertips went missing and his pinkie toe on the right foot was completely severed by the night's end. As it is, Malcolm is the most attractive man Kelly has ever seen.

 In Kelly’s small hometown of Helme, Malcolm is the man. The one who causes young ladies to blush and giggle at the mere mention of his name. The one other men envy and look up to in equal measure. The one young children whisper about as he walks by. He is boasted about for his bravery and daring, which contribute to his stunning looks. Malcolm is the legendary catch of Helme. Even Sherry from Dover, who is six years married to Ned, fawns over Malcolm. Dreamy is the word she often uses. 

“Do you see the way his eyelid droops to the same side as his tongue? Hmm, he is certainly quite handsome.”

Sherry is the only friend of Kelly. Kelly values her friendship greatly. Sherry’s husband is good friends with Malcolm and is often granted admission into his circle of comrades. Sherry is Kelly’s nearest connection to the local legend. Kelly only views Malcolm from afar. Unlike Sherry, Kelly has never once been invited to such an event as Malcolm’s special dart games. If it weren’t for Sherry’s open mind and forgiving nature, Kelly would have no close connections at all. Kelly defines herself as the town pariah. 

As it was some years ago, before Sherry’s marriage to Ned and therefore before her arrival in Helme, Kelly was very eager to become beautiful. She is one of few people in all of Helme who are almost perfectly undamaged. Her hair is long and completely covers her head. Her face bears no scars and her features remain intact. Her skin is smooth and unmarred. Hardly anyone would look her way and if one had it was only in disgust.

Kelly was tired of her plainness and desperate for some injury to befall her, to be permanently disfigured, but she was never invited to such gatherings that invited peril. She could have always gone on a dangerous adventure on her own, but in all truth, Kelly is a coward. She has none of the courage of Malcolm and the others in her town. She is afraid of being wounded, afraid of the intense pain. Kelly is not brave enough to be in jeopardy by herself. 

In her desperation, Kelly decided to do the unthinkable; she faked an injury. Kelly took a dull kitchen knife across her face. It bled little and left the faintest of scars that would require very close inspection to be aware of it. So she used what she could find around her house to exaggerate it. Kelly darkened the line with a black pencil and added hues of purple and red around the wound to add to the severity. She decided to make up some story about being alone in the dark woods of Helme and fighting off some wild animal with nothing but her fists. 

She couldn’t so much as fool one person and word soon spread throughout town of her attempted deception. After that she became not only an outcast but a laughingstock. All her hopes of being beautiful and catching Malcolm’s eye fell through her perfect fingers. 

Though she has given up on her dream, Kelly still eagerly holds onto Sherry’s friendship and the news she brings of Malcolm. Of his latest stunts and injuries, adding to his beauty by the day. Kelly can do nothing but be content. She can never be beautiful and Malcolm could never think of her as so. For beauty is a pain that she cannot endure.

A.D. Bell is a fiction writer based in Brooklyn.